It is officially February now and 10 days from this point will be 3 months since losing mom, yet it feels as though it was yesterday I was holding her soft hand as I sat beside her in the hospital. The moments often flood back into my head, replaying themselves beyond my control and reminding me of the deep sense of pain I still have in my heart. I think...why didn't I just sit by her side constantly and tell her I love her a hundred times? She was the person I looked up to for advice, encouragement, and strength. She was my hero who could never fail. She believed in me and gave me the confidence to pursue through difficulties even when I did not believe in myself. Some days I daydream about returning to Hawaii, the land of her true love. I think of the white sandy beaches with the amazing blue colored waters and how she would just lay there admiring God's creation with the biggest smile filled with joy. I think of the brilliant green colored mountains that stand so tall before you that you always felt a sense of power when driving past them. She loved the families of Hawaii who put their love for each other above anything else and how she had a deep longing that one day her family would feel the same.
I love you mom. It is so hard for me to understand why God took you away from this earth. I know, I know....it is not for me to understand why, but to have faith in God's plan, so I keep repeating that to myself to that someday soon there will be more sense of faith then questions of why.....I am trying, really.....I am trying.
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I found you by wandering the internet, looking for a Standard Poodle to love. I came across your mom's website through the Twin Cities Poodle Club. I see you loved your mom a lot. I am assuming she loved the Lord, based on your thoughts here. I am a pastor's wife in Zimmerman, MN. This is the time when things go quiet, the cards are done being sent, and you get to cast yourself upon the Lord, because He cares for you, 1 Pet 5:7. Isaiah 40: 27 -31 is so helpful too. As my Sister in Christ, I am lifting you up in prayer, knowing that God, who cares for you, sent me right to your site. I can't wait to meet your mom.
ReplyDeleteKara Spofford